| [blah & yeah] |
[Apr. 3rd, 2008|09:52 pm] |
What a crappy day. It was so crappy in fact that when I got on the bus the bus driver said to me, "One of those days, huh?" It was one of those days.
I woke up this morning with a stomach ache and a sore throat. I was also incredibly thirsty! So, I drank some iced tea hoping that would rid me of the sore throat, but no, as the day wore on, my throat got worse. I drank two cups of green tea and tons of water at work, but nothing seemed to work. It got duller at points, but it's still there being all sore and stuff. I wanted to leave early thinking that the workload was light, but at about 5pm (when I normally go on break), I was asked if I could stay late! I went on my break and I couldn't even eat anything. By this point, I could barely talk and was just in a foul mood. I stayed late, decided that I had to treat myself but couldn't find what I was looking for at Store-24, but decided to give it one more shot at the gas station convenience store I always pass but never go inside. I lucked out and found a Sunkist Float that I've been thinking about for weeks. It didn't help my throat, but I left the store in high spirits.
& now I still feel bad, but this made me fangirl squeal with glee. Are any of you reading Ryan Adam's blog? It's hilarious and honest and bizarre. This is probably one of my most favorite entries so far:
“TWO SONGS on tape today. I mean, not on tape, i work at home and record onto my little robotic recording machine. But not one, TWO. already. ooooh i love them they are sweet and gentle. with funky laid back hip hop beats. but no electric anything but bass.
the first one is called ‘Allumette Alemagne” and the second one “Disappearing Act.” I would sample them for you but J would do a frontside grind on my face.
XX more later, Foggy, my invisible electric diary machine.
oh by the way, from now on I am going to talk to my blog like it was a spider-plant. It’s pretend house plant name is “Foggy”
Do you name your house plants? I sure do.”
http://dradamsfilms.com/post/30696760
I totally name my house plants! Oh, I feel like we'd be awesome friends! |
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| [work work work] |
[Nov. 28th, 2007|10:24 pm] |
I went to work today even though my throat was still hurting. I'm glad I went because there was a an announcement from the manager today. I found out that my boss is leaving, moving away from Boston and that her last day is January 2nd. I felt like my entire world was collapsing in on me. I'm entirely too emotional for my own good, but as soon as they said that, I wanted to go up and hug her. I'm so happy that she found a better opportunity, but it's sad because I feel like she's one of the only people that gets me there. I'm really going to miss her and I almost went into the bathroom and cried, because it's always hard to take an announcement like that as soon as you walk into the door. But, I'm going to get through it. And really that's all I'm comfortable saying in a public forum. But sigh. It's not going to be the same without her. |
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| [c h i c a g o] |
[Oct. 10th, 2007|10:03 am] |
I finally got a day off of work, technically two, but one is unpaid, so I'm going to visit my sister in Chicago. I'm leaving in the afternoon on October 26 and coming home late on the 29th. I asked for this time off weeks ago, but haven't written it down here yet. I'm always really stressed about traveling, so perhaps in delaying writing about it, I'm delaying the anxiety I'm sure is going to come very soon. Well, I'm already in full anxiety mode right now, but that's over other things.
& another thing, I've been traveling around so much lately that it's strange that I've been in Boston for this long. I did go to Chicago for four days to move my sister in over a year ago, but I haven't been back home to Texas in so long. I miss my dog and my cat and I really want to see my grandma even though I know that she'll just annoy me when I'm home, but whatever. I really hate that having a job means you can never see your family again. Like, I have NO time off. I got one day off this year! ONE! For my birthday. That I'm taking off to go see my sister. I don't know. Thinking about this makes me depressed.
Now, off to work. Grr! |
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| [t h i n g s] |
[Sep. 6th, 2007|11:44 pm] |
Dave started school on Wednesday.* I'm a bit jealous. Not really of school, but for some reason I don't want him to be away during the day and having to get up early. It's ridiculous that I'm thinking this way, because I was actually seeing too much of Dave during the summer and missing my time alone and now I don't want to be alone. That doesn't make any sense. I think I just want him to be available whenever I want like some sort of awesome boyfriend robot. He's already the awesome boyfriend bit, we'll have to work on the robot.
Work is work. There are days when I'm so incredibly complacent where I feel like I would never want to leave, but there are other days (most days) where I want to find some sort of job where I can snuggle with kittens all day and paint pictures of clouds. I guess I should get into teaching or something. I want to work in a library, maybe. But most likely, I just want to be a millionaire without the effort of working, so I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I miss sitting at home and watching Food Network and PBS children's programming. I miss all of my favorite shows now. Although, I was quite sick of staying at home when I wasn't working. Go figure! I am never happy. Content, but not happy.
A present for myself from My Paper Crane.
My birthday is on Sunday. I have a million ideas written down for what I want to do with the weekend.
-visit the mall (either Cambridgeside Galleria or South Shore Plaza)
-Franklin Park Zoo
-Porter Square (Japanese food & Shaw's)
-Mike's Pastry
-Whole Foods for tiramisu
-Somverville Greek Music & Food Festival for Spanakopita
-Target
Obviously, most of these I will not do. There's just not enough time and Dave is still limping around and using crutches. Also, the nearest T station is doing shuttle buses for the weekend as they are working on a "modernization" or something project. *sigh* I hate taking the buses. They're crowded!
(& if you'd like to treat me, look here!)
*& in case you were wondering, Dave is a sophomore at Northeastern. He started last year. We're both the same age (25, soon 26!), but he only got to take one semester of college in Maine. So, now he's starting over. He was an English major last year, but now he's International Business or something like that.
P.S. Do yourself a favor and push the "robot" link up there. ♥ |
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| [b o r i n g] |
[May. 31st, 2007|07:36 pm] |
May is ending now.
We were barely introduced.
See you next year, Spring!
I have a lot of things going on in my head right now. I have a feeling this entry will be quite scattered. I always have the urge to write when I'm at work and then when I get home, I'm too exhausted to type anything out. I want to write though. I need to get some words out. I miss ink and paper. I need to let my fingers scratch against the pages of my journal. I haven't handwritten anything in months and what I do at work doesn't count. I've started to think about forcing myself to write a haiku a day on my haiku blog. I recently went through looking at past haiku and each one is so lovely. I don't know how I wrote those. I don't think I can write beautiful things anymore. It's all b-o-r-i-n-g or total nonsense. I figure anything is better than nothing.
I was waiting for the bus yesterday, wishing I had my camera, because there are all these dandelion seeds flying around work. There were giant fluffy puddles of seeds. Burger King (the bus stop is right in front) had someone using a leaf blower to rid the parking lot of the puddles. It made me kind of sad that dandelions are so unwanted. I don't know why. I love them. When I was in elementary school, I did a science experiment with dandelions. I don't really remember what it was about, I believe it was the usefullness of the flowers. I made some tea. I can still remember the tart taste. I don't think of them as weeds. They're beautiful.
Lately, work has been so slow. I've been getting out at 5 (sometimes 4:30) almost everyday, except Mondays. I normally work till 6:15. It's really wonderful to get out early and to lie down and not move my legs or use my mind. I can barely get through my friend's list, because I want my mind to be empty. I just feel so full sometimes that I want to flush everything away as soon as I get home and do something completely mindless. It's awful. I want to be creating and usually the time when I feel the most awake are the hours when I'm at work. I tried writing on post-its, but I'm always moving and thinking and doing that it's hard to give my all to my writing. I had an idea for an essay on grandmothers, but I lost it. I have no idea if I'll get it back.
I want it back. I want a lot of things back. |
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| [just] |
[Jan. 21st, 2007|07:00 pm] |
I joined the haiku community in the LJ Spotlight (haiku_4_two) and my friends list has suddenly been flooded full of mediocre haiku. There are some nice ones in all those hundreds of "just okay" ones though. I'm not sure if I'll stay or go quite yet. The only one that I've submitted so far is:
I did not know till
recently that haiku was
plural, not haikus
So far, I've seen way too many mentions of haiku as haikus, so no one seems to have read my poem. I never really thought about it before, but all Japanese words would have a singular plural form, like kimono, not kimonos. At least, that seems to make sense to me.
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I don't really want to talk about work. I almost turned around on Thursday morning, when I missed the bus and was going to be 15 minutes late. I just stood there and cried as my fingers froze and I tried to hide, but at that point it didn't matter who knew and who didn't. I made it through the day, but I have no idea how. I pretty much want to cry every morning before I go to work. I'm really afraid of making mistakes. It's also incredibly hard to be nice sometimes. I wonder if I'm even a nice person most of the time. I must be. I just don't like most people and I feel like I only want to be nice to nice people. I also feel like no one gets me there, but I feel like that about everywhere, I think.
I feel so drained when I come back home from work that I don't feel like this can be normal. I'm afraid that I'll be totally drained of all emotions soon and I won't want to do anything but sit and zone out. These sorts of thoughts make me incredibly sad. I'm afraid I won't be able to write anymore. I feel like the only thing that I'm any good at, will just shrivel up and disappear into the atmosphere as I wait outside for the 6:30pm bus back home. I'm really scared and I don't know what to do.
I really just want to watch movies and read books everyday. |
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| [first day] |
[Jan. 16th, 2007|08:48 pm] |
Some of you might have missed that I got the job at the bank! So, I had my first day of work today. I was a total mess last night and this morning. I really didn't want to go. I just didn't want to be there. I was ready to say, "No thanks. You can find someone else for the position" but I sucked it up, all my fears, and went to my orientation all by myself. Amusingly enough, every single person (four, including me) in my orientation was not born in the United States. I was born in Okinawa, Japan and there was someone else from Brazil, another from Bulgaria and another very quiet man that didn't say where he was from, but he had a work visa. After orientation, I went to get trained and introduced to all the people I'll be working with and so far, my memory is failing with most people. They are all middle-aged ladies that curse like sailors and wear questionable outfits. Everyone is very nice.
My mom sent me these flowers! ♥ All the ladies were jealous and saying things like, "Twenty years of working here and I never recieved flowers!" Obviously, it was all in a very joking manner and they thought they were quite lovely. I froze my fingers bringing them home though.
I'm really overwhelmed by everything. There are lots of things to learn, lots of things to remember and lots of noise. I wish I had applied as someone that opened mail. I know I could have done that. I'm really scared of messing up. The machine is giant and basically, I'm constantly fixing jams. It's just part of the process! Please, people, do not dog ear those bills & checks, because all of it goes to the bank and it gets stuck in the sorter machines! Everything goes quick, quick, quick and I have no idea how I'm going to learn this job. F9, ENTER ENTER ENTER ENTER, F2, F5x10 and finally, F6.
*deep breath*
I'm exhausted. |
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amused
sad
anxious
complacent
thirsty
busy
scared
exhausted